So Close...

I had planned on this being a glorious post of celebration. Not so much now.

I got a job, got my first real paycheck, and got fired all within 2 weeks.

I thought things were going good. I worked hard, didn't make waves. That wasn't good enough, I guess. Walked into work this morning and I toss my bag in the cubby and my drink on the desk. I'm halfway out to clock in when Allison tells me that I'm fired. I "didn't mesh".

I tried so hard to get this job. I needed it. Now, I'm back to square one.

Is it even worth it anymore? Nine bloody months of work for a 150 bucks. I've tried so hard... I just want it to stop hurting...

I am an Ass, pt 2

Well, that went all to shit.

I made a post on tumblr, genuinely thanking some of the people I follow for an insight into a language I don't know. White privilege strikes again. I must have fucked up what I meant.

I did not mean to imply that I was taking the entire language and turning it into a conlang. I was trying to say that I was taking several elements I saw in the lingual shift and using that, along with elements from other languages to help in creating the dialectical differences in what I was working on. I am truly sorry to everyone who misread. It was a massive mistake on my part.


Score another one for the stupid-ass white girl.

Dead... Again

Another score for Gail the Phone-Killer!

Forgot to bring my charger to Ft. Myers over the weekend so my phone died. When I plugged it in last night the phone did it's little 'I'm turning on' load bar and I dropped it on the couch, content that by the time I needed to leave today, it would be fully charged.

Nope.

Instead as I grab it this morning, I notice that the phone is still loading. I watch it. The phone starts booting up and then turns off. Then starts to boot, then turns off. It did that for the entire three minutes I watched it. Apparently it did that all night and didn't get a lick of charge. I'm expecting a call from the Florida VR any day now. I can't deal with this shit!

I finally had a bit of extra money to use today. I went to Mega and grabbed Green Arrow #1 (review to come eventually). I have been waiting to buy it since I heard about the New 52. Only when I head back to the bus, I notice that my day pass has disappeared. So instead of being able to go out on the bus three times this week it'll be only two.

Still no luck on the job finding. Hopefully I can qualify for something with the vocational rehabilitation people... not likely, but there is still hope. Spring B at Santa Fe starts in 6 weeks and I would like something concrete to know before then.

Every day that I don't find out something, I get more and more hopeless... I just need a few hours a week. Just enough to get a couple classes a semester.

Anyone even listening?

EDIT: Kurt, thanks for helping even though you didn't.

My tl;dr religion story for yall

I grew up in a very religious house (Ma is an assistant minister in the church) and for the longest time I thought I was absolutly sure in my religion. There was one time that Ma was sick and I prayed and she was healed the next day. But I still had doubts.

Every year the middle school/high school group does this big "amazing (g)race" thing over a weekend before it gets too hot outside. My team and I had been running back and forth along the beach for almost two hours. I asked them to hold up a bit so I could rest and they wouldn't. And then I go and whine "But I'm freakin TIRED!" Well obviously that was the wrong thing to say because at the next pit stop where we had to wait for all the teams to get in, I was made to apologize in front of the entire group of participants for my "Foul and sinful mouth". I tried to explain that, A: freakin was not a cussword, and B: it was a linguistic intensifier, I did not mean to blaspheme. They wouldn't believe me. And then our team was forcefully delayed, causing us to end up in next to last place.

Then in biology I made this awesome group of friends. If you can imagine the guys from "The Big Bang Theory", we were them, only in high school (I was Wolowitz). That's when I realized that all non-Christians were NOT after my souls to drag me down to hell with them. And then I realized that the 'miracle' I had performed when I was six had absolutely nothing to do with me praying. Ma had had one of those 24-hour flus (a/0!!).

After a lot of soul searching throughout the next two years I realized I pretty much fit the bill on my internal beliefs as a pagan. When I tried to tell Ma that, she ended up using it as part of her sermon on how all pagans were going to hell. When I confided in someone I thought I could trust about my suicidal thoughts, they ended up all across the congregation in less then a week. When that happened, I knew I had to get out of there.

AND THEN I watched "Time of Angels"/"Flesh and Stone". I'm fine with blood and guts type horror, psychological, not so much. There aint much light in the house and my ma has a bunch of angel statuettes scattered around the great room. you can probably imagine why this was not a good idea. I had to come to terms with the fact that I would die eventually before I could use the head at night again. I realized that I don't think I would go anywhere really after death.

Since then I have realized that I'm a pagan/agnostic/atheist combo. little bits of here and there stuck together to make one whole. When I try to explain this to any resident that asks at work, I get the 'you going to hell!!!!' look from them and a pamphlet. But I have a new job that pays more lined up and I am moving in December so I only got a couple more months to deal with this crap.

tl;dr summary: lots of crap + TV = pagan/agnostic/atheist

I am an Ass

I want to apologize for one of my previous posts. I re-read it and I am an ass that needs to get her privilege checked.

I am white. I have not experienced racial discrimination. I do not know what it is like to experience racial discrimination because I am white.

Sorry about that guys.

In other news:
• CPR training starts at WLA tomorrow. Kinda scared about it. The fact that I will have training for emergency situations immediately makes me do the freakage.
• After CPR clinicals start. Me actually dealing with people in a people setting. I am not much of a people person. I am afraid I will mess it up.
• The guys get back in Ft. Myers the end of this week, but THERE IS FREAKING FAMILY STUFF IN ORLANDO!

That's all for now. TTYL

Fundies Say the Darndest Things

I read FSTDT alot. It amuses me. what doesn't amuse me is when people assume that I am laughing at the Fundie's beliefs. I am not. I am laughing at the idiots who write this crap.