I'm to the point where I hate my life

A few weeks ago, I went to a temp agency thinking they could help and it went... sorta okay? I mean, I started bawling about fifteen minutes into it, but I was coherent for the entire thing. I was supposed to call once a week for a check-up to see if they had any openings for me. I forgot to call and now I know I need to call, but I don't want them to notice I didn't call at all before.

Why is this so difficult? It didn't used to be this way, but, except for Friday nights, I am a complete recluse. Ellie still hasn't gotten back to me with my transfer info for VR. I know I need help, but I don't know where to get it.

I'm doing kinda okay talking to people... I told myself a few months ago that I needed to be commenting more often on MDS and Spoils and I have, but that's online! I need to talk to real people and to someone, somewhere, that has a job opening.

I had planned to go to a city-wide hiring thing the local McDonald's was doing today, but I had a panic attack.

And I'm rereading this and I keep making so many excuses in my writing... It shouldn't be like this, but I don't see any chance to change any of it.

Dealing...

[TW: ableist language]

Santa Fe has been getting both better and worse for me.