I'm to the point where I hate my life

A few weeks ago, I went to a temp agency thinking they could help and it went... sorta okay? I mean, I started bawling about fifteen minutes into it, but I was coherent for the entire thing. I was supposed to call once a week for a check-up to see if they had any openings for me. I forgot to call and now I know I need to call, but I don't want them to notice I didn't call at all before.

Why is this so difficult? It didn't used to be this way, but, except for Friday nights, I am a complete recluse. Ellie still hasn't gotten back to me with my transfer info for VR. I know I need help, but I don't know where to get it.

I'm doing kinda okay talking to people... I told myself a few months ago that I needed to be commenting more often on MDS and Spoils and I have, but that's online! I need to talk to real people and to someone, somewhere, that has a job opening.

I had planned to go to a city-wide hiring thing the local McDonald's was doing today, but I had a panic attack.

And I'm rereading this and I keep making so many excuses in my writing... It shouldn't be like this, but I don't see any chance to change any of it.

I don't know anymore

I've tried and I keep getting almost there, but not quite. "We are seeking more qualified candidates."

My SP/Aspieness is just killing my prospects.

Can I start life over? I have made so many minor mistakes that the results are just snowballing.

I just need something.

I need to get out of the house. I need to get money. I need to get a life.

I'm actually lying on my UF application. Me. Lying. But it seems the only way to get out from under the cloud FGCU has floated over my head for the past two years.

I need a chance and this seems the only way to get it.

I... I just don't know.

More Updates...

• Sometime this week, I'm signing up for my first semester of classes in the zoo. Hallelujah! Finally!
• Kirby has informed me that A.) Sugar Heart's coma is going to last a while; and B.) if she dies, I'm out of the game.
• "Shadows of the Republic" was supposed to be on Wednesday. I was running late so I headed directly to the library instead of meeting in the Batcave first. Bad idea. Zach canceled the session cause no one showed up at the Batcave.
• The Doctor Who premiere was last Saturday and I don't know how to feel about it. I was excited for Clara cause she was going to be a computer geek, but to get her geekiness from an outside source was, in my opinion, disingenuous. Thanks a lot, Moffat!
• I got an email from the Huffington Post STEM group and they should be assigning new pairs soon. I think I have a 1/20 change to get assigned this round, wich is awesome, but I'm probably remembering the figures wrong. Oh well.
• Neil deGrasse Tyson was speaking at UF last night. like half the game night group headed over to see if we could grab tickets, but they were all gone. Since we were in the area, I swung by the Aquarium shop. THEY ARE HIRING! I might have a chance to get in. *squee* that would be so cool to work there.

That's pretty much it. TTYL.