A few weeks ago, I went to a temp agency thinking they could help and it went... sorta okay? I mean, I started bawling about fifteen minutes into it, but I was coherent for the entire thing. I was supposed to call once a week for a check-up to see if they had any openings for me. I forgot to call and now I know I need to call, but I don't want them to notice I didn't call at all before.
Why is this so difficult? It didn't used to be this way, but, except for Friday nights, I am a complete recluse. Ellie still hasn't gotten back to me with my transfer info for VR. I know I need help, but I don't know where to get it.
I'm doing kinda okay talking to people... I told myself a few months ago that I needed to be commenting more often on MDS and Spoils and I have, but that's online! I need to talk to real people and to someone, somewhere, that has a job opening.
I had planned to go to a city-wide hiring thing the local McDonald's was doing today, but I had a panic attack.
And I'm rereading this and I keep making so many excuses in my writing... It shouldn't be like this, but I don't see any chance to change any of it.
Showing posts with label FlVR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FlVR. Show all posts
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Totally Pissed
Went to the assigned psychologist for the Florida Vocational Rehab office yesterday. He was complete crap.
First off, I tried to confirm that I wouldn’t be paying any out of pocket expenses for this visit with the VR office. They never called me back.
Secondly, the guy was a general psychologist, when I needed a specialist, preferably a neuropsychiatrist. At least someone who was familiar with ASD at all!
Thirdly, the guy assumed that because I had a very small amount of friends, I was not on the autism spectrum. There was no asking about how I worked my ass off to get up the courage to make them and keep them.
The guy assumed that because I had one boyfriend for a short time at the very end of high school that I was not on the autism spectrum. I broke up with Denny after a couple months because it was just too weird being close to another person, but he never asked me to elaborate.
I’m sitting on the couch in his office stimming, because it is a new area and I’m not used to it so go ahead OPEN THE DAMN WINDOW! MAKE IT LOUDER IN THERE! “It’s just anxiety, you’ll get over it.”
He did not ask me about interests. He dismissed my claims that I could not touch goopy/slimy/sticky stuff without physically recoiling. He blew off my not talking till I was 4, cause I ‘just didn’t feel like it’ back then.
I tried to tell him about my interest in rocks and minerals, but I could not possibly be autistic because I channeled that interest into a competition. I collect knowledge on them, I don’t collect the rocks themselves, for the most part. Florida is not geologically rich, you know. I have two cases of different mineral examples that Mom got me when we went to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum, my flint, and my different limestone examples and that’s it.
And then, when I blew him away on the learning tests, he got pissed off at me. I should not have been able to deal so quickly with the arranging. And he complained that I was over thinking things. When you have to pick out the set of flowers that go with the rest of the group, I picked the only non-orchid, because, you know, the group I was trying to match it with were all non-orchids. No. The answer was the orchid picture with three blossoms. To that I say, WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK!
Today was not a good day.
First off, I tried to confirm that I wouldn’t be paying any out of pocket expenses for this visit with the VR office. They never called me back.
Secondly, the guy was a general psychologist, when I needed a specialist, preferably a neuropsychiatrist. At least someone who was familiar with ASD at all!
Thirdly, the guy assumed that because I had a very small amount of friends, I was not on the autism spectrum. There was no asking about how I worked my ass off to get up the courage to make them and keep them.
The guy assumed that because I had one boyfriend for a short time at the very end of high school that I was not on the autism spectrum. I broke up with Denny after a couple months because it was just too weird being close to another person, but he never asked me to elaborate.
I’m sitting on the couch in his office stimming, because it is a new area and I’m not used to it so go ahead OPEN THE DAMN WINDOW! MAKE IT LOUDER IN THERE! “It’s just anxiety, you’ll get over it.”
He did not ask me about interests. He dismissed my claims that I could not touch goopy/slimy/sticky stuff without physically recoiling. He blew off my not talking till I was 4, cause I ‘just didn’t feel like it’ back then.
I tried to tell him about my interest in rocks and minerals, but I could not possibly be autistic because I channeled that interest into a competition. I collect knowledge on them, I don’t collect the rocks themselves, for the most part. Florida is not geologically rich, you know. I have two cases of different mineral examples that Mom got me when we went to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum, my flint, and my different limestone examples and that’s it.
And then, when I blew him away on the learning tests, he got pissed off at me. I should not have been able to deal so quickly with the arranging. And he complained that I was over thinking things. When you have to pick out the set of flowers that go with the rest of the group, I picked the only non-orchid, because, you know, the group I was trying to match it with were all non-orchids. No. The answer was the orchid picture with three blossoms. To that I say, WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK!
Today was not a good day.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Update Time
It's five in the morning and I am actually awake. I have no idea why. Usually, at five I am just now asleep or very nearly. Not so today. Last night I went to bed and slept and it was not even 10. I guess my brain is weird like that.
On Monday I got a call from Jessica, my caseworker at Florida VR. She told me that I qualified for more qualifying. I got a call yesterday from the psychologist I'll be seeing. He wanted to make sure he had the correct address so he could send me several surveys to bring with me for the first meeting.
And y'all know how much I love surveys.
So next Tuesday I have a meeting with a psychologist whose name has way to many consonants in it. And I don't know how I should be feeling. This will be another step to getting back into college, but I will have been out of school for FOUR semesters at worst. I am afraid I wont be able to cope with the sudden influx of work. But there is also part of me that relishes the rush of doing something and having it matter even slightly.
When I get this weeks allowance, if I do, I'm probably going to visit the teaching zoo again. I only wnet there once and It was raining all that time. It was very quiet. I'll also see how the monkey cage that was re-propped weathered.
On Monday I got a call from Jessica, my caseworker at Florida VR. She told me that I qualified for more qualifying. I got a call yesterday from the psychologist I'll be seeing. He wanted to make sure he had the correct address so he could send me several surveys to bring with me for the first meeting.
And y'all know how much I love surveys.
So next Tuesday I have a meeting with a psychologist whose name has way to many consonants in it. And I don't know how I should be feeling. This will be another step to getting back into college, but I will have been out of school for FOUR semesters at worst. I am afraid I wont be able to cope with the sudden influx of work. But there is also part of me that relishes the rush of doing something and having it matter even slightly.
When I get this weeks allowance, if I do, I'm probably going to visit the teaching zoo again. I only wnet there once and It was raining all that time. It was very quiet. I'll also see how the monkey cage that was re-propped weathered.
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